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New Post 6/5/2007 11:26 AM
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The Business Analyst's Song 

 If the professional business analyst had an anthem what would it look like? 

Here is Phil Alexander's rendition:

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst
I'm often seen on telly as a business kind of panelist
I fight with old style dinosaurs who often are just COBOL-ers
And ornery nuclear types who I have termed "Chernobylers"

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters analytical
I understand the people though I do stay apolitical
My reportage is packed with facts, I never put in no guesses
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes

ALL:
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
I'm not at all mechanical: I don't know what a tappet is
I'm recommending Microsoft, although I know what crap it is
In short, in matters changeable, requiring of a catalyst
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst

ALL:
In short, in matters changeable, requiring of a catalyst
He is the very model of a modern Business Analyst

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
I'm very good at mapping just precisely where your data goes
And drawing very prettily di-agrammatic dataflows
My pie charts are so complex that I may well run some classes on
My graphics are so colourful, you'd better put sunglasses on

I can create slide shows with such pretty pics in Powerpoint
In fact they are so very good, they never, ever disappoint
Then I can send them as attachments running into gigabytes
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites

ALL:
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
Then I can draw you flow charts which use symbols so syntactical
They'll show up nothing useful, at least nothing that is practical
I bullshit boards and directors, a professional flannelist
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst

ALL:
He bullshits boards and directors, a professional flannelist
He is the very model of a modern Business Analyst

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
In fact, when I know what is meant by "profit-led regroundizing"
When I come up with something more than voluntary downsizing
When such affairs as takeovers no longer are closed books to me
And share price fixing so and so's no longer look like crooks to me

When I have learnt what arms there are in modern business gunnery,
When I know more of commerce than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee

ALL:
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
With my commercial knowledge I am not quite sure what commerce is
(And to increase the word-count I am subtly adding more verses)
And while I am adept it's true at business kinds of modelling
The impact of my changes is approximate to yodelling

And though my understanding doesn't stretch to very much at all
It doesn't really matter because no-one else here knows f*** all
And so in matters businesslike since anyone began a list
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst

ALL:
And so in matters businesslike since anyone began a list
He is the very model of a modern business analyst

 
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